2016 Fathers Day

Being a father has certainly been the hardest and most challenged role I ever prepared for. There are way too many book but never a step-by-step instructions to guide you. Sometimes you rely on common sense or your intuition, maybe a little bit of advice from the others, and most of time it's just trial and error. And yet, failure is never an option. For the longest time, I want a family but was afraid I never could be ready. I am a person full of faults, inpatients, lack of discipline, over self indulgent... Despite all these ups and downs that being a father, it has definitely been a most rewarding. They had taught me a lot. Making me a better person everyday. My world becoming more beautiful because of them. No matter how frustrated at work, they always greed me with innocent smile. Our house is filled with joy and happiest because of them. They forgive my inpatient, overlook my faults, offer me their unconditional love. We celebrate every achievements and little milestones together, growing as a family together. They are letting me enter their small world and offer me a chance to be a simple joyful kid again.

叫一声祖国有点沉重。我只想贫穷而自在的活着。

90年，申请多年的移民终于批下来了。爸爸带着我去跟爷爷的好朋友告别，如果没记错爷爷是跟他英国留学时认识的，经历过文革后但还是很有理想的爱国老知识分子。爸跟他聊了好久，说过很多话都忘了，但有几段深印在心。“国外物质会丰富点，但精神上会比较空虚”， “你放弃了一切出国很辛苦，下一代应不错，但不论几代还是黄皮肤，总是二等公民” 生于70年代，也有幸感受到文革余温，还记得小时被叫过四眼狗的儿子。不知不觉，来美国20余年了，也有了自己的下一代。错过了祖国的突飞猛进，繁荣娼盛。 在美国，我虽然只是一平民，説着不流利带口音的英语，长着黄色的面孔，在底层干着添砖加瓦的工作。但每到一处我很少有不被尊重的感觉。无论是学习工作场所，还是生活消费场所，无论是锦衣绣服，还是破衣滥衫，还没有被人公开歧视过。但在中国，我却时时处处感到不被尊重和歧视，就因为不太高档的衣着，或长得不富或不贵的面孔等等。 说美国是表里不一的伪君子，假仁假义的伪善者，但至少不会明目张胆地歧视人或轻贱人甚至羞辱人。也感谢马丁路特和黑人弟兄多年的努力。中午外出就餐时，也常是老板或老板的上司开车当司机。某日还遇到国会议员在我后面排队等位用餐，他也很耐心回答我问的议题。对人本身的尊重是西方的基本价值，另一方面我们手里握有这些人的一票。美国中学并没有要读方志敏的贫穷。 有人说：祖国生你养你，你不能忘本啊。 还记得，小时读书问多几个问题老师就不喜欢。成绩不好，爱闹，老师就投诉，我只是个小男孩而已。初中考高中时，我分数达到了，爸还找教育局长帮忙说了，结果还是让五中给踢出来。倒是后来南武中学的老师让我感到温暖关怀。刚到美国高中时，英文烂得连一句话都说不好，老师同学都很耐心帮我。并没有什么看不起，没像国内那样看不起乡下人。读大学也是政府借的钱。 爸文革后做出成绩，门前来的人越来越多。当知道要离职了，马上连门卫的嘴脸都变了，比契訶夫的變色龍还快。 我只是个普通人，只想贫穷而自在的活着。我只是个洋插队的。